Be careful what you wish for: Some thoughts on adoption

      First off I want to say that I come from an adoptive household, I grew up in the culture of adoption, many of my closest friends are adopted, and my husband & I hope we will one day be able to add to our family through adoption. I understand the pain an adoptive family goes through when a child they fall in love with will not be theirs after all. I have been there. I understand that desire to be able to do something when your hands are tied. I really do.

     I also understand the pain and heartache of a birth family wrestling with the decision on whether or not to give up their child, to try and make the call on where they will have their best chance and be brave enough to make the decision.

     I understand the ugliness of situations in which mommies or daddies (or both) don't get to make the decision, but the decision is made for them and their babies are taken away.

    Through friends and family and in my personal life I have been touched by situations like this, and I take none of them lightly. Not a single one. I am totally about to call one of you out, though, and it is you whom I share the closest relation to: the waiting adoptive parent.

     You want a child, I get it. You want to be a forever family, that's awesome. It really is. I am sure you love that child, seen or unseen. I am sure you assume (like every parent does) that you know what is best for this child.

     I have noticed a huge trend in the adoption community, among waiting parents & foster parents, that are hoping, encouraging hope for, praying, etc. that their child's biological parents won't show up. I'm talking about situations where perhaps the child was removed from a home or not allowed to go home in the first place for one reason or another. These parents are usually given extensive opportunities to get their "act" together before their child becomes "adoptable." The goal is to ideally reunite families, and is actually the basis and goal behind foster care (go figure!)

     I regularly (regrettably so) see posts such as "Fingers crossed birth dad won't show to visitation" or "Pray mom doesn't come to court hearing today." You get the picture. And I get it, I do, the dad is awful, the mom is strung out, blah blah blah. Here are 2 simple facts to consider, before you act like this is such an obvious thing to hope for.

           1.  No matter how great this adoption will be for you, not being wanted will never, ever feel like a good thing to your child.

           2.  No matter what, they are still part of your child's story.

      There, I said it. I am sorry. You could be the best parent ever, but when your adopted child grows up, you will still only be one piece of their story. They will have to come to terms with the fact that they were not wanted. They will have to learn to accept the fact that God gave them to someone, and they returned them. They will have to process the hurt that is associated with being given away. Do you really want them to also have to deal with all this and know it is what you hoped for, what you prayed for? Do you really want, when your child is in their deepest point of processing, to feel like you wished this on them?

        Not only that but what if one day your child reconnects with their biological parent. How do you know they won't get their act together eventually and want a relationship? You don't, and selfishly sabotaging your child's biological parent through your actions, words, prayers, etc. is wrong.

        Adoption is hard for everyone involved, everyone. Acting as though this, these decisions, are not going to effect your child in the future is not only ignorant, it's selfish. You don't know people, their potential, their future, their struggles, or where they came from. You can assume, you can read reports, but no one really knows the full truth but them.

Your job is to be there for your child, to think of them first and yourself last. Your job is to hope they get their best possible chance at life, and not assume it's you. Your job is to be there every step of the way, however many steps you are given.

Every decision you make today will effect your child tomorrow (this goes for any parent). Make smart decisions, choose your words wisely, and be careful what you wish for. Realize your silent wish today could be your child's nightmare tomorrow.

I hope I was able to make your wheels turn and help you think about how you are approaching. your child's unique "story." We're all stories in the end.

The fear in me.

Artists are the most insecure while simultaneously being the most egotistical people in the universe. This is true of every artist I have ever met, not matter their art form.

I am all artist. I love all art, if it's artsy; I want to do it. I love crafts, I love painting, I love music and singing (in the shower, not for real humans) and I love writing.

No matter what form of art I am doing, I am always tempted to keep it to myself. I did photography for a long time before I felt "safe" showing others what I could do, and even now, I sometimes feel certain things are not good enough to show others.

Showing your art, in any form, to others is like opening up your soul to them, whether you or they realize it or not. I pour my heart and soul into anything I do, and when it is something I have created, I love it like I love the children I created.

I have been writing stories since I had the ability to write. I wrote my first "novel" at 9 years old. I haven't shared my writing (outside of blog form) with anyone since I was 14. That means it has been almost 11 years since another soul has read any of my fiction.

This scares the crap out of me.

I have had editors, marketers, writers, and readers beta read my book for feedback and it has been the most nerve racking experience of my life.

In a few short weeks my book will be released. People will buy it, they will read it, and they will have opinions. Can I handle that?  My name will be on this book and people I know will see it and read it simply because I wrote it. Will they be kind?

This book is NOT everyone's cup of tea, I know this. It deals with a lot of tough subjects and has some language, something I know a lot of my family may judge me for.

I have been battling with a great deal of fear and insecurity leading up to the release, and I honestly don't think there is anything I can do to make this feeling go away, or to avoid it.  If I publish more, I will likely still get this feeling.

Guess what, it doesn't matter.

This is my dream, and I am going after it. I have wanted to be a published author since I was 7, and I am about to be one. People may have opinions about what I wrote about, or how I wrote it, or anything else, and that's ok. This isn't there dream, its mine. They will not regret it if I don't write books, but I will. They will not go crazy with the stories swirling in their mind, I will.

This is my story, and I am writing it the way I feel led. God has given me this gift and it would be wrong not to use it in the way I feel led.

I thank you all for your love and support and hope you will consider purchasing it when it comes out, but if not, I will understand.

Things that happen when your kids share....

 Having both a boy and a girl relatively close in age, sharing is a big deal in my house. As a result, we get to see some pretty interesting interactions between our toys such as the following, just to name a few.




We discovered Captain America oversees the Disney Princess Monster Truck Rally's.

 Robin and Ariel can be found in the castle some nights, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears.

 Sully occasionally exploits Clarice.

And Batman is a Brony.

A very curious Brony...

Thankfully he's not the only one with tendencies...

I'm alive!!

Hello all,
I am so sorry I have been absent. I need to find an afternoon to type out some posts and schedule them. I have been very busy with a few projects;

1. Darcy turned 2! Hooray! We are planning a little home party with her for family and a couple of her friends from the nursery.

2. We are working on the studio! We have been cleaning and prepping to paint the basement as well as getting my props and equipment organized for my studio!

3. The best I saved for last-- I WROTE A BOOK! Yes, that was a big project. I have a publishing company, am working with an editor (though I am doing the actual editing myself with guidance) and am meeting with someone later this week who will be designing the cover! If all goes according to plan it will be available around the world in ebook format by the spring!
I really hope you will buy it, just because that would be super cool.

Thank you all for your continued support for my writing and artistic career!

Kids say the Darnest things (Part one)

Here are just some random funny things my kids have said recently, hopefully they make you smile and brighten your day!

1. Do Hamsters have butts?
- Greyson, age 3

2. Greyson: You shouldn't poop your pants, Dawson. Monsters and baby dinosaurs eat poop.
    Me: Just the baby dinosaurs? Grown up dinosaurs don't eat poop?
    Greyson: (In a tone to say Im an idiot) No! They eat plants and veggies if their Urban Vores (Herbavores) and they eat animals and people if they are Carnivals (Carnivores). But the baby dinosaurs are babies so they eat poop....

3. Greyson: Help! My toe is stuck!!
I rush in to see his toe stuck in the little jail of his bat cave toy and remove it.
Me: Did we learn a lesson here?
Greyson: Yeah, bad guy toes can't go to jail.

4. Dawson (age 1.5) holding an egg: Duck.
Me: That's an egg.
Dawson: Duck.
Me: No, EGG
Dawson: No, DUCK.
Me: Ducks lay eggs and come out of eggs.
Dawson: Yes, good job mommy.
-_-

5. Me (in the shower): It doesn't sound like you two are playing nicely out there!!
   Greyson: I am actually playing quite nicely, but Dawson doesn't play well with others.

6. Greyson: I know the joker did it but he can't go to jail. There's no forensic evidence.
(I feel I should explain I am a criminal justice major and he often hears me talking about cases/case studies)

7. Greyson: Look Mommy! Our God is making it snow!!
Me: Wow look at all that snow!
Greyson: It's ok, he will probably clean it up soon.

8. Greyson: I think some fresh pancakes are in order for today!

9. Greyson: I like to dance naked. I do a naked dance.
Me: Yes, we have all seen the naked dance, unfortunately.
Greyson: Do you ever do a naked dance?

10: Jingle bells jingle bells
Papa doesnt like legos maybe
I like playing with my cousins
Jingle all the way
Aunt Faith is fun too
Mommy and daddy should give me cookies cuz Im cool
Jingle all the way...

Happy Birthday, Little man!

My Little man is FOUR years old today! Unbelievable!!

He is running, talking, getting dressed on his own, potty trained, counting, saying his ABC's, spelling his name, and being a great big brother to his sister!

He is quite possibly one of the coolest little kids in the world.  He loves superheroes, vegetables, his family, and Jesus! He just loves going to church, he loves to sing, and to dance.
He is a great helper to mommy and her photography.  He is an awesome little poser for me ;)

I am super excited to see what the next year will bring for this gorgeous, hilarious, precious little man! We are so blessed. Love you buddy!! <3

Merry Christmas!

Calm down folks, I scheduled this post. There's no way I would have time to write a blog much less form a coherent thought on Christmas day.
Just wanted to make sure I did take the time to wish Jesus a happy birthday and share some of the blessings that have happened this year.

Greyson & Darcy are continuing to grow and thrive.  They are happy, healthy, hilarious little images of Jeremy and I and I love them to pieces.

No one had surgery this year.  Yay us.  I figured I should mention it since we both did last year and both kids had at least 1 trip to the ER as well. This year was (thankfully) uneventful health wise.  We continue to pray that Greyson will grow out of his nut allergy, because lets face it, a childhood without peanut butter and jelly sandwiches is no childhood at all!

Jeremy got a promotion.  It is well deserved and he is settling well into his new position.  I am very proud.

I started a business.  Saltwater Photography was a hobby turned business in spite of myself and it is thriving.  I love it and feel so blessed from all the support I have received.

Next year:
We plan to continue to eliminate debt (medical and student loans) in hopes to be prepared for the plans that God has for us.  We hope in the future we can both complete our dreams of adopting a child as well as going into full time Missions.  We are trusting God on this journey and know he has an awesome plan for all four of us!

Love to all & Merry Christmas!!

Silver linings.

Between 12PM Friday and 10PM Saturday I have had a whirlwind of disaster and emotion.

On Friday I got a call from my bank that mine and my husband's cards were compromised by the whole Target/data leak ordeal.  Both cards were immediately cancelled by our bank without warning to help protect us...

We have NO credit cards, we mainly use our debit cards.  I don't even have checks so my only option is to go to the bank before it closes and withdraw cash.  I also realize all the bills which automatically come out Fridays are taken through our debit cards, which are cancelled.  So I am most likely going to be getting returned payment charges added to the bills which already seem astronomical in this lovely time of year.

I then spent the remainder of the day calling all of the companies, driving all over town to the bank and to various places which will accept cash for my utility payments and overall, being super stressed out.  Thankfully Target issued an apology and gave a whole day of 10% off prices. Because that totally makes up for the stress they have caused everyone.  NOT.

Enter: Saturday.  It is a new day with new possibilities.  We planned to have a nice day mostly at home with the kids and then head over and see Santa.  When we went to see Santa, we had a blast.  My kids were about as good as can be expected, my son who is friendly and outgoing is now St. Nick's new best friend, and my introverted sassy pants daughter managed to not punch or growl at him, which in my family, counts as a good trip.

Here's a pic of our family with Santa:

 I know, I know, we are freaking adorable....

We get home and I go to unlock the door and notice the knob is about half an inch lower than normal and it looks as though someone tried to pry it off.  I obviously get kind of freaked and my big strong husband and our loyal four legged child, Leo search the house.

Its a bit hard to tell quite how bad it was, but here is what we came home to:

I just painted this door about a month ago so it looked nothing like this.

Thankfully no one got in and nothing was taken, but it still totally shook us up and we filed an informal report with the police just in case.

We carry on with our day and I load my kids up to go to the music store to get something for my violin.  (i know, Im full of surprises, aren't I?) and receive a call from Jeremy (My husband) that our four legged child Leo had accidentally snatched up some mouse poison that had been behind the stove but gotten knocked out while Jeremy was sweeping.  I generally don't even keep anything toxic in my house having 2 small children and a puppy child, but back in April we had a repair done and the guy left the door wide open for about an hour and some field mice sneaked in.  I cannot tolerate mice. at all. I literally lose my mind. So we bought some poison and put it all in very safe places where kids and dogs could not get it.  well we honestly should have gotten rid of it after so long without a mouse siting but I honestly forgot, and I feel terrible.  He ate almost 3/4 of a brick of green D-Con mouse poison before Jeremy was able to get it away.
I sobbed the whole way home. Jeremy called the animal hospital and we were told to give him peroxide and make him puke as soon as possible.  This is the dog that if we buy a different brand food he will puke all night.  we gave him the 5 teaspoons of peroxide they recommended (Which we had to get from a neighbor because we don't even have that in my house!) Wait and....Nothing.

This is our boy:

We re administer as advised...wait...nothing.

I HAD to take him in.  By this time its 8PM and there is only the animal hospitals open.  Its $75 just to walk through the door and I have $78 in my wallet.  They require you to pay for everything up front.  I explain I have no plastic because of the Target situation and the bank is obviously closed.  ATM is out of the question because again- no card.  They explain (very rudely and coldly) my dog will die if he is not treated and I just stood there sobbing.  Its 4 days before Christmas and not one has money right now.  They refuse payment plans, etc. and tell me just to wait in the waiting room.  There are a few others in the room and all were very nice and seemed concerned, but one lady stuck out to me because she was the only one in the room actually in possession of their pet.  Everyone else (including me) had their pet immediately taken back.  She very kindly told me she would pay for the shot that was needed to save Leo. I couldn't even speak, I just sobbed.  All I could think about was how I was going to tell my 4 and 2 year old where their dog was tomorrow. I said that would be amazing I would appreciate that so much. I was taken to the first room in the hall next to the waiting room. I could see the counter but not the waiting room.  I honestly think they put me back there (because I was by myself not with my dog) because my sobbing was making them look like complete douche bags. Which honestly, they were being.  This was a $50 shot, not a surgery or huge procedure.  They were letting $50 stand in the way of letting a beloved animal live or die.  He is worth far more to me than this but I simply did not have it!
The woman went up to the counter and told the woman who brought me back not to let me pay for the shot, but to add it to her bill, she would happily pay and please hurry and save my dog.  The nurse seemed so irritated by this but told her I would have to speak to the vet first.
I neither saw nor heard the woman again.  I didn't see her or her pet go by. They gave him the shot and he brought up the poison and when they brought me my bill they told me I wasn't going to be charged for it and did not mention the woman at all.  My total was $77, one dollar shy of what I had in my wallet.  When I walked out with my sleepy puppy I fully intended to thank the woman for offering, and let her know they didn't end up charging me, and offering her a free picture session and my card for being such an amazing person. I was unable to do that however because when I walked out, the waiting room was completely empty.  There wasn't a soul there and I have no idea what happened.  The workers there didn't seem to even know who I was talking about when I asked about the woman with the dachshund who had just been there. This sounds surreal, and it was, because I am honestly not convinced she was ever there in the first place, but something compelled those people not to charge me to save my poor Leo.

Leo is doing well this morning and I am trying to be positive in light of the stress.  Our cards were compromised, but they weren't used.  Someone tried to break in, but they didn't get through. My dong almost died, but he will be fine.  God's hand was definitely on us the last two days, even if it doesn't feel like it.  I choose to focus on the ways he spared us and not the trials we had to face anyways.
Praying as trials come your way you are able to do the same and thereby lessen the stress such things could cause.  Even in all our trials, there are people out there going through much worse.  We are blessed.


(Sorry this is so long, hoping the pics make it less boring)

You have 108 new notifications.

please do not like every picture i post.

i post crap loads of pictures on facebook, lets face it, Im a sexy beast with a sexy greek god of a husband, and we made some dang cute babies, and Im a photographer, So obviously I am going to be showing this off via social networking. There is such a thing as liking too many pictures though. I dont need to be notified that you looked at my pictures in the form of you liking every single freaking one. I promise. im touched, i really am, but signing on to find 47 notifications and its ONLY YOU LIKING EVERY SINGLE PICTURE is kind of ridiculous, and is making my phone spaz out because you are blowing that sucker up. control yourself! that is not what the like button is for!

MOPS

MOPS

Mops is a nation wide organization which stands for “moms of preschoolers.”  

It is essentially an escape from all the mundane day to day activities of stay at home momhood and gives you a hot breakfast, a cup of coffee, and some social contact with other women in the same boat as you.  Its nice, I love my group and it more than likely saved my life last year as I struggled through postpartum depression after the birth of my second child.  

I do have to say a few things about MOPS though, basically, rules I think they should have for it.

Rule #1: No makeup allowed. Its 9AM. who the heck do you think you are showing up with makeup on? 

Rule #2: Your pants should be sweat and or pajama and or yoga variety. we are moms, its 9 am, and you got your kids dressed. go you. 

Rule #3: No teasing. I am not even talking about the obvious bullying that moms can do, but even simple playful banter (which I am very prone to) does not belong in mops. you do not know what that mom is going through, you do not know what her morning was like or her story, so even a playful jab at this or that may be enough to push her over the edge. Mops should be a SAFE place for mommies to come and relax, not be on the defensive.

Rule #4: Please throw political correctness out the window. We know you don’t tell your 3 year old not to throw their “excrement” Just say poo poo. we know that’s what you say at home.

Rule #5: Be nice. This is not the same as the no teasing rule but definitely similar. Be nice, even if you don’t know someone, smile and say hi. Don’t talk only to your friends, and invite others into the convo when you are. Cliques weren’t fun in high school, and that hasn’t changed.

Ok so some are funny and some are more serious but this is just my take on the most important rules for a good, stable mops group that gets everything out of it that it is meant to. Hope everyone has a great year!

Things you don't think you should have to tell your children (But you do) Part 2

Things you don't think you should have to tell your children (But you do) Part 2:

16. Just because I said I will not buy that for you does not mean you “need to call papa” 

17. If you are trying to make me feel guilty by saying you miss daddy after being punished, well, its working.

18. Rubbing poop on the walls is not my idea of “artwork.”

19. You went poop in the potty? awesome! No, we cannot save it to show daddy….

20. …Fine, we will send him a picture…

21. Don’t eat that bug.

22. Don’t eat sand.

23. Don’t eat rocks.

24. Sorry, they don’t make medicine for bad dreams.

25. Because I said so.

26. Mommy and daddy get to share a bed because…because….ask daddy.

27. Your best friend can’t live here, his mommy would miss him too much.

28. Why is great grandmas skin so stretchy? Hmm, I don’t know, maybe shes a super hero!

29. “Its so cute and fuzzy” is ok to say about pets and woodland creatures, but not about the gigantic motorcycle guy behind us at wal-mart. Please stop pointing.  Shh. 

30. Don’t lock your sister in the kennel. It does not matter if she has her sippy and some cheerios.