Be careful what you wish for: Some thoughts on adoption

      First off I want to say that I come from an adoptive household, I grew up in the culture of adoption, many of my closest friends are adopted, and my husband & I hope we will one day be able to add to our family through adoption. I understand the pain an adoptive family goes through when a child they fall in love with will not be theirs after all. I have been there. I understand that desire to be able to do something when your hands are tied. I really do.

     I also understand the pain and heartache of a birth family wrestling with the decision on whether or not to give up their child, to try and make the call on where they will have their best chance and be brave enough to make the decision.

     I understand the ugliness of situations in which mommies or daddies (or both) don't get to make the decision, but the decision is made for them and their babies are taken away.

    Through friends and family and in my personal life I have been touched by situations like this, and I take none of them lightly. Not a single one. I am totally about to call one of you out, though, and it is you whom I share the closest relation to: the waiting adoptive parent.

     You want a child, I get it. You want to be a forever family, that's awesome. It really is. I am sure you love that child, seen or unseen. I am sure you assume (like every parent does) that you know what is best for this child.

     I have noticed a huge trend in the adoption community, among waiting parents & foster parents, that are hoping, encouraging hope for, praying, etc. that their child's biological parents won't show up. I'm talking about situations where perhaps the child was removed from a home or not allowed to go home in the first place for one reason or another. These parents are usually given extensive opportunities to get their "act" together before their child becomes "adoptable." The goal is to ideally reunite families, and is actually the basis and goal behind foster care (go figure!)

     I regularly (regrettably so) see posts such as "Fingers crossed birth dad won't show to visitation" or "Pray mom doesn't come to court hearing today." You get the picture. And I get it, I do, the dad is awful, the mom is strung out, blah blah blah. Here are 2 simple facts to consider, before you act like this is such an obvious thing to hope for.

           1.  No matter how great this adoption will be for you, not being wanted will never, ever feel like a good thing to your child.

           2.  No matter what, they are still part of your child's story.

      There, I said it. I am sorry. You could be the best parent ever, but when your adopted child grows up, you will still only be one piece of their story. They will have to come to terms with the fact that they were not wanted. They will have to learn to accept the fact that God gave them to someone, and they returned them. They will have to process the hurt that is associated with being given away. Do you really want them to also have to deal with all this and know it is what you hoped for, what you prayed for? Do you really want, when your child is in their deepest point of processing, to feel like you wished this on them?

        Not only that but what if one day your child reconnects with their biological parent. How do you know they won't get their act together eventually and want a relationship? You don't, and selfishly sabotaging your child's biological parent through your actions, words, prayers, etc. is wrong.

        Adoption is hard for everyone involved, everyone. Acting as though this, these decisions, are not going to effect your child in the future is not only ignorant, it's selfish. You don't know people, their potential, their future, their struggles, or where they came from. You can assume, you can read reports, but no one really knows the full truth but them.

Your job is to be there for your child, to think of them first and yourself last. Your job is to hope they get their best possible chance at life, and not assume it's you. Your job is to be there every step of the way, however many steps you are given.

Every decision you make today will effect your child tomorrow (this goes for any parent). Make smart decisions, choose your words wisely, and be careful what you wish for. Realize your silent wish today could be your child's nightmare tomorrow.

I hope I was able to make your wheels turn and help you think about how you are approaching. your child's unique "story." We're all stories in the end.

Doing something right with your tax refund.

Its that time of year again and the interwebs will soon be teaming with people rejoicing (or mourning) over their tax refunds. Though free money is lots of fun I usually meet this season with a great deal of disdain.

I personally only pay bills, pay down debt, make repairs to my house/car and possibly if I am lucky enough to have anything left, will try to invest in something that will make our bills less expensive (we are hoping for a tank-less water heater this year).  But while I am off in my corner being responsible (AKA: totally lame), I notice many people who already have too much buying more.  Christmas just passed and despite the fact that their 5 year old already owns an ipad, ipod, and iphone, the family feels microsoft should get some love too and buys Jr. and xbox one.  (for example).

Every year I encourage people to use at least a small portion of their tax return to make a difference in someone's life.  Some things I like to give to are programs that repair cleft palates, programs digging wells in third world countries to provide people with access to clean water. I try to think of the people that still have nothing in this world and realize my bills can wait, student loans will be there for years to come, but somewhere a child is starving, or dying of a curable disease, or cold, or dehydrated.

I am not trying to be Debbie Downer here, but one of the most common excuses I hear for not giving to charities is that they don't have any extra money. Well, you will soon, so remember those little people whose parents are just struggling to feed them.

Don't like/trust charities?  Ok, so how about you buy that busy single mom a spa gift card and offer to watch her kids? Do you know someone with a special needs child? buy them a gas gift card. trips to the doctor, hospital, and various therapies add up! Go out and buy a few bouquets of brightly colored flowers and go to a nursing home. Sit and visit with each recipient for a few minutes. I promise you will be blessed!
Bless a random stranger. Pay for the coffee of the guy behind you. Be more than a selfish spending machine and do something worthwhile!

My bath salt recipe!!

Hello All! Here is a fun recipe for home made bath salts that is a bit more natural than what you may buy in the store.


You will need

A jar or container to keep the mixture in.

1-2 cups Epsom salt

1-2tbsp baking soda

5 drops of your favorite essential oil

(If you have dry skin you can also add 2 tbsp of dry oatmeal or dried goats milk for super soft skin)

Mix salt and baking soda (and any other dry ingredient variations you may have added) add the lid to your container and shake it up until well mixed.  Open up and add 3-5 drops of your favorite essential oil. (I highly recommend only using therapeutic grade essential oils, such as Young Living Essential oil) close and shake up again. Voila! Home made bath salt.  Add a few tablespoons to your next bath and enjoy.  Makes a great inexpensive gift.

Photo courtesy of the idea room.