Ok, so after my last post on the basic rules for marriage, I was asked to do something on divorce (for those of you for whom it is too late I suppose?) This will mostly be suggestions from a person on the outside looking in.
1. Stop blasting your crap on social media: That is annoying. Seriously, people don't care that much, and you are pushing people away and making a fool of yourself.
2. Do not think you can tell lies about your ex: That is just tacky, immature, and disrespectful. not just to your ex, but to the people you are lying to. I may or may not know a couple who the ex wife lied and told some church friends she left her husband because he was beating her. This is complete bull. He never laid a hand on her and for over a year after several people were avoiding him for NO reason, but the lie they had been told. If you do not want to tell people (its really not their business) why you divorced, (like, for example, you're a raging whore)say something simple like "It just wasn't working out." (because you're a raging whore...)
3. Do not make people pick, because they will most likely not pick you. Friends, kids, etc. do not encourage or force them to pick a side. Do not act like every time they talk to or see your ex is an affront against you and your happiness, it is not. You may not be harboring a hate so fierce you sometimes think you can move things with your mind, but its OK that everyone else does not feel this way. I have never in my life seen someone who tried to force people's hand in a divorce situation who ended up being the one who was "picked." Ever.
4. Do not immediately date (unless you're a raging whore): I understand after the pain and rejection of a divorce it could be tempting to get back out there and do it all over again, but don't. For one people will not take you seriously. For two it is soooooooooo incredibly unfair to the poor sap who agrees to date you. For three it is super insensitive to the people around you, especially your parents and children. They most likely love or loved your ex and "moving on" will not be quite so easy for them always. Try to think of people besides you. Aside from all of these reasons, you should also assess your role in the failure of your relationship, grow and heal as a person and move on in a mindset to fix your past mistakes. I am sorry if you are perfect and your divorce was in no way your fault, but you are wrong which is precisely why you should not be dating.
5. Get yourself some counseling: At a church, a therapist, psychologist, something. Make yourself a better YOU for the world and for others. Get all the pint up emotions, distrust, and unforgiveness OUT. You do not want that swimming around in your being to sabotage your relationships with others (both romantic and non romantic).
Good luck in all of your many endeavors, and I hope the best for all of you! (even if you're a raging whore!)
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