Tomorrow I may have to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life. The doctors would like me to induce miss Dawson. As someone who is such an advocate of the natural ways, as someone who has done so much research and heard so many horror stories, this scares the daylights out of me. At this point (almost a week over) however, there are also risks to keeping her IN. There are horror stories there too.
I spent my yesterday buried in medical journals, random boughts of sobbing, and so on. This is not just Darcy's life- it is my life also- and for that I feel, also Greyson's. Loving can be so painful sometimes. If I didn't love so much, the decision would be easy.
I have a bit of time left, and am praying, begging, groveling, that God take this decision from my hands and send me naturally into labor. I would be so very thankful. I cannot express how much it is the desire of my heart to get this baby out naturally. No, I will not receive a medal, no trophy for my troubles, but I will look back feeling like I made the best possible provisions for my daughter to start her life.
Please say a prayer for me and Darcy today, that I go into labor and she is able to be brought into this world naturally, safely, and healthily. Thank you.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Dearest Darcy,
Dearest Darcy,
I wanted to write this to you in anticipation of your arrival. I am 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant with you as of today. It has been a long, difficult road. We have been through a lot together. I have worried about you, prayed over you, cried over you, and prayed some more.
In these days before your arrival I realize its not the house that needs to be ready, its not whether or not you have enough onsies, or diapers, or whether our fridge is stocked with healthy groceries or leftover lo mein- its all in God's timing. You will come on your birthday. In reality I won't remember in five years if my kitchen floor was mopped when we came home from the hospital, but I will most definitely remember bringing you home, and finally having you in my arms.
Looking back on your brother's homecoming just over 2 years ago, I can only tell you how the furniture was arranged because of pictures. I don't remember how many onsies or sleepers we had, how many blankets, or if we had groceries in the fridge. I remember blue balloons, visits from loving family and friends, sleepless nights filled with hiccups, cries, feedings, and simply watching him breathe. I am sure your homecoming will be no different.
I'm sorry if I have made you feel rushed in any way, my sweet princess. I realize now that a princess is never late or early, she always arrives precisely when she means to. Though I am eager for your arrival, I am turning over to you and God the decision of your birthday.
I found out yesterday the doctor who has taken such good care of us and watched over us will be out of town on our "due date" and the day before. This filled me with fear and panic, I felt somehow we wouldn't be as safe in the hands of a resident doctor. God put Dr. Armstead in our lives in the first place, and whoever ends up with us in the hospital will be placed there by God as well. He knows what he is doing, and I know he loves us both so much, he will keep us safe and healthy. Birth plans and sentimental ideas are of no importance in comparison to your health and safety, and no experience can be a "bad" experience if the result is a healthy, safe, and beautiful you.
I love you Miss Dawson Jayne, and I know you will grown into a wonderful and impactful woman of God one day.
Kisses.
Love,
Mommy
I wanted to write this to you in anticipation of your arrival. I am 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant with you as of today. It has been a long, difficult road. We have been through a lot together. I have worried about you, prayed over you, cried over you, and prayed some more.
In these days before your arrival I realize its not the house that needs to be ready, its not whether or not you have enough onsies, or diapers, or whether our fridge is stocked with healthy groceries or leftover lo mein- its all in God's timing. You will come on your birthday. In reality I won't remember in five years if my kitchen floor was mopped when we came home from the hospital, but I will most definitely remember bringing you home, and finally having you in my arms.
Looking back on your brother's homecoming just over 2 years ago, I can only tell you how the furniture was arranged because of pictures. I don't remember how many onsies or sleepers we had, how many blankets, or if we had groceries in the fridge. I remember blue balloons, visits from loving family and friends, sleepless nights filled with hiccups, cries, feedings, and simply watching him breathe. I am sure your homecoming will be no different.
I'm sorry if I have made you feel rushed in any way, my sweet princess. I realize now that a princess is never late or early, she always arrives precisely when she means to. Though I am eager for your arrival, I am turning over to you and God the decision of your birthday.
I found out yesterday the doctor who has taken such good care of us and watched over us will be out of town on our "due date" and the day before. This filled me with fear and panic, I felt somehow we wouldn't be as safe in the hands of a resident doctor. God put Dr. Armstead in our lives in the first place, and whoever ends up with us in the hospital will be placed there by God as well. He knows what he is doing, and I know he loves us both so much, he will keep us safe and healthy. Birth plans and sentimental ideas are of no importance in comparison to your health and safety, and no experience can be a "bad" experience if the result is a healthy, safe, and beautiful you.
I love you Miss Dawson Jayne, and I know you will grown into a wonderful and impactful woman of God one day.
Kisses.
Love,
Mommy
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